Tips From The Facebook COO

2024 Author: Steven Freeman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 08:15

Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook's chief operating officer, knows full well what it's like to have to make up for a big loss. While on vacation in 2015 with her husband Dave Goldberg at a resort in Mexico, he suddenly died of a heart attack while working out in the hotel gym. In a matter of minutes, the world of the bestselling author Vayamos Adelante (Vintage Spanish) fell apart when she lost the love of her life.

In their new book Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy (Knopf) - for sale now in bookstores and online - Sandberg and psychologist Adam Grant give invaluable advice to people who are going through a crisis and looking for a ray of hope.

What would you advise someone who is now in the dark and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel?

“In the initial days it was not only the pain that was devastating, it was the thought that it would never improve. I still feel a lot of sadness, but I know now, two years later, that I have moments of pure joy. When my daughter hugs me, when my son laughs, it doesn't take away the pain of missing Dave, but those are joyous moments. Just knowing when everything is so terrible that you are going to feel pure joy again is the primary reason I wrote this book and what I would say to anyone. You have to believe that."

What helped you heal and find that joy?

"The survivor's guilt is very real. You feel guilty about being alive, about living when the other person can no longer. Adam [my co-author] convinced me that if I didn't find joy again, my children wouldn't either. My brother-in-law told me, 'All Dave wanted was for you and your children to be happy. Don't take that away from him now that he's dead. ' I thought of that. Giving yourself permission to feel joy again is important. You have to take deliberate steps to achieve it. One of the wisest tips they gave me is to write the happy moments in a newspaper, that makes you notice those moments during the day.”

How have your children helped you heal and what have you learned from this experience?

I am so proud of them. They have perspective, empathy and sadness but they overcome it. They go through this by being noble to themselves and noble to others. Now I look at my friends and say, 'I just want you to know that I love you.' The feeling of 'What if I don't say it invades me? What if the person is no longer there? ' The last thing I said to Dave was 'I'm falling asleep'. I would love to go back and change that but I can't. Finding ways to express gratitude is so important.”

You mentioned that the day of this interview would have been your wedding anniversary with Dave. How do you commemorate that date?

“The day I have decided to celebrate is their birthday, so every October 2nd my children and I do a poker tournament where all the children play poker in their honor. I can't celebrate the day of her death or the day that would have been our anniversary, but I try to be grateful for the years we had instead of mourning. I can try to feel happy for the 11 years we did have. I celebrate the day that wonderful man was born.”

In the book, you share stories of other people who have proven resilient. Do these stories have a common thread that unites them?

“Part of the book is the stories of incredible people who have faced adversities of all kinds. We have stories in the book of people who were abandoned by their parents at a very young age, people who have faced violence, terrorism and war, who have lost jobs or a child. There is so much adversity out there and not all stories have a happy ending, but there is this wonderful part in each of us. Never underestimate the ability of human beings to persevere. There is a light in people who do not extinguish and they come out of the crisis with more sense, joy and resilience. Those stories give me strength.”